Birthdays, Obligations, and Family + Easy Chocolate Cake

     Birthdays. There's something about them that makes you want to go

       but also

It probably depends on how old you are and whose birthday it is. On this occasion, it was more like the first option.
     So, it's my brother's birthday. He just turned 16.
Yay him. I don't really care that much.
There is only one thing I really truly care about: the cake!!! I love cake. It's kind of my thing. And whenever I make a cake, I consider it my baby. And you know what? I don't like it when people fuck with my babies. More on that later.




     Birthdays also mean family. Whether you like it or not, you're in for some quality time with those embarrassing and/or annoying people who you're related to. Oh, those lucky, lucky orphans...
     I have mixed feelings about family gatherings. If it's in my honor, and if they've all come together to give me something, like gifts or money or food, then I can tolerate them. But if it's for someone else or if it doesn't really have a good reason to be happening, I WAN'T OUT. My family does a lot of things, but mostly it just annoys me. I loooovvve to hide from my family. It's wonderful. All I do is turn my bedroom into a fortress and pretend to have a massive migraine or a big homework assignment. And PRESTO, they leave me alone. But sometimes, you have an obligation to be out there with all the annoying people. You have to fight through the desire to just slaughter everyone and dance wildly over their corpses. This was one of those times.
     After a chaotic celebration involving talk of strippers, cars, and tacos, it was time for cake. I probably thought something along the lines of "YAYYYY, it's time for my baby to shine!" And hey, it shined for a while. After the birthday bitch blew his spit all over my baby and made a wish, the cake was cut, eaten, and enjoyed. And then a toddler decided to fucking ruin it. And take out all the beautiful candles and throw shit and shout and poke holes in it...

     AND THUS, my cake belonged to a toddler. You can see why I hate kids so much. And you're just getting a half-strength dose of toddler shit. And I tried really hard not to punish that little cunt for shitting all over my pride and joy, because let me tell you, his parents wouldn't.
     Before that cake was mutilated beyond belief, it was beautiful. And it was delicious as can be. The perfectly moist cake layers, the fluffy, fudgy buttercream... Ahhhhh. Heaven. So here it is:

 Easy Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Buttercream (from here)
Here's what you need for the cake:
2 cups sugar
1 3/4 cups flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup water, boiling
And for the frosting:
2 sticks butter, cut into pieces
3 cups powdered sugar
However much cocoa powder you desire
A splash of milk to thin the consistency

So, first, you've got to set your oven to 350 F and prepare you pans. Cake is tricky. If you want your cake to come out of your pans nice and clean, you've got to cut two parchment circles to place on the bottoms of you cakes pans. And THEN you have to grease and flour the sides. Use 9" cake pans.

Now, get all your dry ingredients together and give them a nice mix.

Now add all the wet ingredients except for the water. Mix it with an electric mixer for about two minutes.

Now add the boiling water and beat it with the mixer. Be sure to give it a light mix by hand first so that it doesn't splash out and onto your skin. And there you go, batter.

Now fill your prepared cakes pans evenly and bake for 30-35 minutes. Let cool.

And now for the frosting. I neglected to take picture of this since I was dealing with all the chaos.
Beat the butter with an electric mixer until it is creamy. Now add in the powdered sugar a little at a time. Add in cocoa powder to taste. Add a splash of milk to thin the frosting to your desired consistency.
Once your cake is nice and cool, frost that baby!!

And there you go. I hope yours isn't ruined by annoying little toddlers. And if it is, give the demon spawn to these lovely goats: